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Strawberry Joel's Jukebox

Native Pittsburger, collegial Junior, consummate professional, self-proclaimed music snob, borderline-otaku, lifelong gamer, comedy nerd, recently-converted Whovian, medium-rare Hamsteak, Bard of Mind: DESTROYER OF MINDS, so-called writer, daywalking hipster, lover-of-dashes, amateur college radio DJ, wannabe reviewer, and all-around lunatic.

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Hey Theodore Roosevelt, remember that time someone tried to assassinate you, but you just laughed and proceeded to give a 90-minute long speech with the bullet lodged in your lung, where it remained for the rest of your life? Or when you tore up your leg after being thrown into piranha-infested waters while exploring uncharted Brazil? Or all those times you broke your ribs from falling off horses while doing badass jumps? Or when you destroyed the sight in your left eye in a White House boxing match? Or that time you killed a cougar in a knife fight (seriously)? And how the only way death could finally get to you was in your sleep, in the early morning on January 6th in 1919. Here’s to TR as the infinite inspiration for pure, condensed badassery.

lilyliqueur:

fuckyeahhistorycrushes:

alexandraplumpkin:

furnweh:

Theodore Roosevelt, October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919

“Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight.”

Original Badass.

All of our presidents combined can’t add up to how much of a badass he was.

TR Appreciation Post ‘12

Not to mention he was an attractive mother fucker.

And most importantly, he rode Moose.

(via apairofglasses)

mrviperfang:

That’s all I need to know when I buy Eggnog. The price? Fuck that shit! Just give me my holiday crack!!!

(via 8bitmickey)

(via fuckyeahmspagifs)

theartofanimation:

LixiaoyaoII

kwmurphy:

That’s right. RIFFTRAX LIVE. MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE. In theaters nationwide. August 16th. Mark your calendars.

Be there. Aloha.

You’re in good hands with MANOS.

Other cheeky sixties TV references.

(via pancakefish)

ludicrouscupcake:

UPDATED PHOTO SET INCLUDING JOEL’S KARKAT ICON.

Fuck yeah, I’m like a motherfuckin’ machine.

Please don’t use my art without permission!!

All art (c) Megan Mann 2012

kordova:

the great desu tree

(via artisticpsychologist)

So Last Night…

I slept for the first time in a while & I woke up in the middle of the night ridiculously thirsty. And by “middle of the night”, I mean 7am.

So I reach blindly into my fridge (still lying in bed, that’s just how classy I am) for a bottle of water and pull out this big thing.

But when I open it, I hear a carbonated hiss.

The only bottles of soda I have are glass…

My heart sank…I cannot describe the disgust that I felt…

I was holding that fucking bottle of Faygo.

So I drank anyways because fuck it thirsty.

It was exactly as bad as I imagined, and yet somehow worse. I’m pretty sure Faygo is the only drink that tastes worse when you’re thirsty.

It didn’t help that the Strawberry flavoring was the same as that shitty vodka I have, and yet was somehow so strong it almost tasted like cherry. And I fucking hate cherry.

I took a few more sips (because I’m a fucking masochist) left it in the bathroom so it could haunt somebody else.

So the moral of the story is to not reach into the fridge blindly in the middle of the night. And also not to take drink advice from juggalo stoners.

I Got to the Horse-Porn

But Plush rump is STILL WORSE.

That is all.