Strawberry Joel's Jukebox

I slept for the first time in a while & I woke up in the middle of the night ridiculously thirsty. And by “middle of the night”, I mean 7am.

So I reach blindly into my fridge (still lying in bed, that’s just how classy I am) for a bottle of water and pull out this big thing.

But when I open it, I hear a carbonated hiss.

The only bottles of soda I have are glass…

My heart sank…I cannot describe the disgust that I felt…

I was holding that fucking bottle of Faygo.

So I drank anyways because fuck it thirsty.

It was exactly as bad as I imagined, and yet somehow worse. I’m pretty sure Faygo is the only drink that tastes worse when you’re thirsty.

It didn’t help that the Strawberry flavoring was the same as that shitty vodka I have, and yet was somehow so strong it almost tasted like cherry. And I fucking hate cherry.

I took a few more sips (because I’m a fucking masochist) left it in the bathroom so it could haunt somebody else.

So the moral of the story is to not reach into the fridge blindly in the middle of the night. And also not to take drink advice from juggalo stoners.